Seven Quick Takes: urban gardening, or how to make a fool of yourself

1

Your neighbors in the next apartment move and kindly leave a full bag of potting soil and several large ceramic pots. Plus some wine, but we're not talking about that.

2

While drinking the wine, you have illusions of grandeur. You regale your husband and friends with tales of fried green tomatoes, freshly picked squash sauteed in freshly picked rosemary, mojitos made with your own mint. You ignore them when they point to the dried up bamboo plant in the windowsill.

 3

In a fit of optimism, your husband picks out a wide variety of vegetables and herbs in little dixie cups at church in the spring. You become giddy when you realize that you won't have to pay a dime to have your potted garden.

4

You create a spreadsheet with information about each plant, including elaborate plans for canning. Meanwhile, the plants languish in their dixi cups.

 5

When you finally decide to plant them, you realize that the pots aren't big enough, so your long-suffering husband buys bigger ones at Home Depot. You wish you hadn't bragged to everyone about your "free" garden.

6

Some of the plants prosper! In fact, two of them are bursting at the seams.You gloat to family members that you are turning into a "real urban gardener."

7

Your mother-in-law, who used to own a florist shop, remarks that the two "prosperous" plants are weeds which choked out the original plants. You make a note to stop bragging about things you know nothing about.