Sunday, August 17, 2014
To Jesus Through Mary
Mary is always looking out for me. How else can I explain that I had no plans of going to Mass today, but found myself following my husband's advice to attend an evening service, where the feast of the assumption was being celebrated?
The church was so quiet, full of incense. It was everything my soul needed.
Hail Holy Queen, Mother of mercy,
our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve,
To Thee do we send forth our sighs,
Mourning and weeping in this vale of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious Advocate,
Thine eyes of mercy towards us.
And after this our exile,
Show unto us the blessed fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving,
O sweet Virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O holy Mother of God,
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
As I walked up the aisle, I noticed a sign over the crucifix. It said "For God so loved the world."
I managed not to break down crying until I reached the pew again. It struck me in a way it never did as a child. I felt almost resentful, then, because Jesus' sufferings were thrust up in our faces whenever we doubted. How can you do that after all that Jesus did for you? It was the ultimate guilt trip. It meant that Jesus was tortured to satisfy the Father's wrath so that I could go to heaven. It felt so remote and cold to me then.
Now I see it so differently. Now I see a God who saw His creatures in pain, saw their hurt and agony and fears, knew that without the greatest sacrifice He would never be trusted. He suffered for our peace, to hold out his hands with the nails and say look, feel the prints, you can trust me. Rest in me, abide in me, you are safe my child.
Those images of suffering are not a guilt trip anymore. They are assurance of His love, assurance of His tender care for us. My mother knew what I needed to see before I could believe it.